When I first met David more than 20 years ago, he was in a coma, dying from multisystem organ failure. I was there as a healer, but what unfolded was beyond anything I could have imagined. During one of our sessions, I found myself out of my body, in a realm of overwhelming love and peace. There, I encountered David’s spirit—hovering outside his body, radiant and fully aware. We recognized each other, communicated soul to soul, and shared a love that felt eternal.
Years later, I struggled to find the words to describe what we had experienced. I was familiar with the term Near-Death Experience (NDE), first popularized by psychiatrist Dr. Raymond Moody in his groundbreaking 1975 book Life After Life. Later, I learned about the term Shared Death Experience (SDE), also coined by Dr. Moody and introduced in his 2010 book Glimpses of Eternity. This term emerged after decades of collecting accounts from people who reported accompanying a loved one or patient partway into the afterlife at the time of death. Dr. Moody’s work established the SDE as a distinct phenomenon, separate from the classic NDE, where healthy bystanders report witnessing or participating in elements of the dying process.
Researchers such as William J. Peters expanded the study of SDEs through the Shared Crossing Project, which has enhanced our clinical and experiential understanding of SDEs, building on Dr. Moody’s original framework.
However, our story is different: David didn’t die. This wasn’t a classic Near-Death Experience (NDE), nor did it fit the Shared Death Experience (SDE) described by Dr. Moody because David lived.
When David miraculously survived, his memories of the coma were fragmentary, but he remembers the realm of love and light and an angelic presence, with understanding and recollections becoming clearer over time. Yet, on a soul level, when he awoke, he instantly knew everything about me—my story, my heart, and the love we shared. He felt an unshakable bond and knew, without a doubt, that he loved me and that we would be married. And that’s exactly what happened, despite great odds.
Our experience didn’t fit neatly into any existing category, so we needed a term to help others understand it. That’s why the term Shared Near-Death Experience (SNDE) seemed to most closely align with what happened. While the term is gaining mainstream awareness, our story helps define the experience and helps others understand key differences.
Definition of Shared Near-Death Experience (SNDE)
The term Shared Near-Death Experience (SNDE) is used in more than one way, and I use it to describe a particular form of shared experience in which one person is near death, and another person appears to participate in the experience, while the person near death survives.
Researchers and experiencers have described experiences involving a healthy person sharing aspects of another person’s near-death or dying experience, while other accounts involve two people experiencing overlapping or apparently shared elements of a near-death experience. Our shared near-death experience combined elements of these, with my awareness at the time and David’s later inner awareness and recognition.
Why SNDEs Matter For Research
When two people report the same extraordinary experience, their accounts may not match in every detail—and they don’t need to. Human memory is not perfect.
What makes a Shared Near-Death Experience particularly significant is the presence of a second experiencer. Two people can independently report a profound connection, shared awareness, or overlapping elements of an experience. This provides an additional perspective that can help researchers examine the phenomenon and may lend greater context and support to experiences reported by people who experienced them alone.
Two reporters don’t necessarily mean two identical memories, however. Again, one person may be conscious and the other in a near-death situation. These differences in consciousness at the time of convergence of consciousness can affect individual recall. Some key points to consider:
-Two people report an extraordinary experience.
-Their recollections may differ.
-They may remember different elements.
-One person may remember details the other doesn’t.
-Their interpretations may differ.
-Yet both may retain a profound sense that something happened between them.
-In some cases, there may be independently reported points of correspondence.
One experiencer gives us a window into an extraordinary experience. Two experiencers give us the possibility of comparison.
I have heard similar stories from others—encounters that transcend the boundaries of life and death, consciousness and coma, memory and knowing—from people who have had an SNDE where the dying person survived, and they have both been changed by the encounter.
If you’ve had an SNDE, your experience matters. I invite you to reach out and share your story. Together, we can expand our understanding of these extraordinary connections and bring light to the mysteries that unite us all.
Understanding the Difference Between NDEs, SDEs, and SNDEs
What happens when someone comes close to death and reports an extraordinary experience? What happens when another person appears to share part of that experience? And does it matter whether the person who was near death dies—or comes back?
I believe it does.
Near-Death Experiences (NDEs) have been studied for decades. Shared Death Experiences (SDEs), in which another person reports participating in aspects of someone’s dying experience, have also been documented. But there is another phenomenon that deserves greater attention: the Shared Near-Death Experience (SNDE).
The distinction I propose is simple:
- NDE: The person near death has an extraordinary experience and survives.
- SDE: Another person shares aspects of the experience of someone who is dying, and the dying person dies.
- SNDE: Another person shares aspects of the experience of someone who is near death, and the near-death person survives.
That last distinction may be particularly important for research. In an SNDE, both people live.
NDE vs. SDE vs. SNDE: What’s the Difference?
| Experience | Person Near Death | Another Person Shares It? | Near-Death/Dying Person Survives? | Potential Living Experiencer |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| NDE – Near-Death Experience | Yes | Not required | Yes | Usually one |
| SDE – Shared Death Experience | Yes | Yes | No | Usually one |
| SNDE – Shared Near-Death Experience | Yes | Yes | Yes | Potentially two |
What Is a Near-Death Experience (NDE)?
A Near-Death Experience, or NDE, is a profound experience reported by some people who come close to death or experience an extreme physical crisis and survive.
Reported features can include an apparent separation from the physical body, unusually vivid awareness, extraordinary light, profound peace or unconditional love, encounters with deceased loved ones or other beings, a life review, perception of another realm, reaching a boundary, or a sense of returning to the physical body.
Not everyone who comes close to death reports an NDE, and no two NDEs are exactly alike. Researchers continue to investigate the physiological, psychological, neurological, spiritual, and consciousness-related questions raised by these experiences.
What Is a Shared Death Experience (SDE)?
A Shared Death Experience, or SDE, occurs when someone who is not dying reports participating in or witnessing aspects of another person’s dying or death experience.
The surviving person may report unusual phenomena around the time of death, including an apparent shift in consciousness, extraordinary light, a sense of accompanying the dying person, encounters with deceased people or other beings, or other NDE-like phenomena.
In the terminology I propose, the critical distinction is: the dying person does not return. That generally leaves the surviving participant as the person available afterward to describe the shared experience.
Why Does the Difference Between SDE and SNDE Matter?
At first glance, the difference may seem like a matter of terminology. It could have much larger implications for research.
When the person at the center of an SDE dies, researchers cannot subsequently interview that individual about what they experienced. With an SNDE, both people survive.
Researchers may potentially be able to interview each participant independently, compare their memories, identify similarities and differences, establish what each person knew before the event, compare accounts with medical timelines, investigate potentially verifiable perceptions, and examine aftereffects in both people.
That makes an SNDE not only an extraordinary human experience but also a potentially valuable research opportunity.
Why Could Two Experiencers Matter?
Most Near-Death Experiences are known through one experiencer’s report. That does not make an individual NDE report unimportant. First-person accounts are essential to studying many aspects of human experience.
But an SNDE introduces another potential source of information. If two people independently report aspects of an extraordinary experience connected to the same near-death event, researchers may be able to ask:
- What did each person experience independently?
- Where do their accounts overlap?
- Where do they differ?
- What could each person have known beforehand?
- When did each person first report the experience?
- Can any reported perceptions be independently verified?
A second experiencer does not prove what caused the experience. But independently collected accounts may potentially strengthen the evidential value of an individual case by giving researchers more than one account to examine.
Could SNDEs Help Us Better Understand Individual NDEs?
I believe this may be one of the most important questions raised by Shared Near-Death Experiences.
Traditional NDE research generally begins with one person’s report of an extraordinary experience. But what if some aspects of NDE-related experiences can be shared? If two living people independently report meaningful elements associated with the same near-death event, researchers have another source of information to investigate.
This would not prove that every NDE represents an external reality, nor would it establish a particular explanation for NDEs. But carefully documented SNDE cases could potentially provide another line of evidence for evaluating phenomena reported in individual NDEs.
Shared experiences may help us ask better questions about experiences reported by individuals alone.
How Is My Proposed Definition of SNDE Different?
Earlier literature used “shared near-death experience” broadly and did not necessarily require the primary near-death experiencer to survive. I propose making that distinction explicit:
- NDE: Near death → extraordinary experience → survives.
- SDE: Dying → another person shares aspects of the experience → dies.
- SNDE: Near death → another person shares aspects of the experience → survives.
This is not an attempt to replace earlier scholarship. It is an effort to refine the terminology, so potentially different kinds of experiences can be identified and studied more precisely.
And the survival distinction has an important practical consequence: an SNDE can leave two living people whose experiences may potentially be compared and studied.
Was My Book the First First-Person Book About a Shared Near-Death Experience?
It may be.
My original memoir, Waking Up to Love: Our Shared Near-Death Encounter Brought Miracles, Recovery and Second Chances, was published in 2018. I later expanded and republished it as We Met on the Other Side: A True Love Story in 2023.
Earlier writers and researchers had already discussed shared near-death phenomena. Raymond Moody wrote about shared near-death experiences, and Howarth and Kellehear examined shared near-death and related experiences in the scholarly literature. Their work described, collected, or studied others’ experiences.
My book was different: I wrote from inside the experience. Based on the published literature I have been able to identify, Waking Up to Love may be the first book-length first-person account written by someone describing their own experience as a Shared Near-Death Experience.
I believe that distinction matters because I approach this subject from two directions. I am a researcher asking questions about the phenomenon. And I am an experiencer who lived it.
How Should Future SNDEs Be Studied?
If someone believes they have experienced an SNDE, ideally each participant would document their experience independently and before extensively comparing memories. Researchers could then examine similarities and differences between their accounts.
Medical records, timelines, witness accounts, contemporaneous notes, journals, emails, texts, and other documentation could provide additional information about what happened and when.
The goal should not be to make two stories match. The goal should be to discover what each person independently experienced.
A New Question for Near-Death Research
For decades, researchers have asked: what can Near-Death Experiences tell us about consciousness?
Shared Near-Death Experiences introduce another question: what happens when an experience associated with approaching death appears to be shared by someone who is not dying? And when the person near death survives, another possibility emerges: what can two experiencers potentially tell us that one experiencer cannot?
Perhaps studying Shared Near-Death Experiences can help us understand not only extraordinary shared experiences but also the thousands of Near-Death Experiences reported by individuals.
We don’t need to begin with certainty about what these experiences mean. We can begin with curiosity. Document them. Compare them. Study them. And follow the evidence wherever it leads.
What can we learn when a Near-Death Experience doesn’t belong to only one person—and both people live to tell us about it? And, even more to ponder: what are we capable of? Those questions are at the heart of my work.
When you have a choice, choose love.
— Scarlett L. Heinbuch, PhD, MPH